No Time for Breaks

Posted on September 7, 2014 by Lynn Henderson

I told myself I would take time for writing. I set about the task by venturing away from home for a day – away from obligations, and debts, and even parenting (I hesitate to admit). As an adult, I am always chased by things I SHOULD be doing – and it seems my grown-up mind works within the paradigm that once all of my “real” work is done, I may then embark on the frivolous pastimes I dream about; writing, singing, …..sitting still. 

So the goal today was to leave – go away – spend time in a place where my reality was less evident. It would be here, I thought, where creativity and shorthand would take over – pages upon pages , blog upon blog  would spill from me. I would conjure up prose so meaningful – I would unleash an inner artist, a writer! … an icon. 

Oh, alas. Upon arriving at a girlfriend’s country property, set to free my inner…..something!

I set about writing medical records. Dotting “i’s”, crossing “t’s”, calling back clients who really ought to have heard form me days ago – the guilt of enjoying any pointless hobbies in the face of WORK NEEDING TO BE DONE, Oh Guilt – thou are a heartless b**ch!

Bright side is, work was accomplished and I do feel a bit lighter because of it. I have just now (a few minutes prior to supper) allowed myself to plop down on the barn floor and scribble on this pad. I know I am saying very little of interest or import, just whining about my tragic circumstances, playing my tiny violin. 

I really should’t post it. YOU really ought to have better things to do than to read it- don’t you feel guilty?… there went five minutes of your life you will never get back.  I really do feel better for finally having put pen to paper – it has been a long time coming. It has been hard to remember that my personal thoughts matter. Even as “grown-ups” we must allow ourselves indulgences, whatever they may be. They matter. We Matter.

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